Wednesday, March 07, 2012

Moooon Riiiiveeerrr! Or another "C" word

Time to come clean about a couple of things:

I'm not Brad Pitt, dressed in fake ears and hiding behind a bush making favorable noises about carrots.

I'm not a real bunny. That is in the sense of my leporidianic genes have always been pushed into sitting in a corner playing third string behind a jock-like clique of homo-sapien bully chromosomes.

I'm not thirty.

But I can remember being thirty.

Sort of.

In fact, late last year I celebrated a birthday that came with a complimentary card from my health insurance provider reminding me it was time to train the home movie camera where the sun don't shine.

Happy Birthday. Time for a colonoscopy.

I went to see my provider, Dr. "Butt" Diver and the crew of the Anal Explorer last July to have him comment that with a certain birthday coming up, it was time for a brand new adventure for "Butt" and the crew. This is part of the reason that my follow up visit seems to have slipped into the following March.

But "Butt" was unperturbed and reminded me again it was time to snake Candid Camera into a dark corner and "we thought it would be funny if..."


Most of my friends are hitting this milestone and we daily commiserate on email about the friendly reminders we're getting on an daily basis. Now that I'm in the crosshairs, I'm doing my best to sing along. I don't mind and despite a lot of bitching, I'll eventually sign up for some good general anesthesia and belly sleeping.

There are just two things that bother me. Things I have to share.

One would be the process of sweeping out the halls the night before.

Two would be the idea that with my luck, I'll wake up and have a nurse hand me a cigarette.

"Here, at this point, it really doesn't matter."

A toast to all my mid century compatriots.

Bunny on.


Blogger Jeni said...

Speaking as one who has experienced more of those type of explorations into the nether-world of one's body, that nite before clean sweep is the worst part of the whole ordeal. And also, speaking as one who also could maybe say the doctor would have been handing me more cigarettes than I normally was ingesting back then (almost 9 years ago) if I hadn't had that clean sweep and exploration process done, it really is one test very much worth the pain, agony and hassle! Now, go git 'er done!

3:39 PM  
Blogger Ericka said...

happy birthday, bunny! carrot cake for all!

11:19 PM  
Blogger Ruth Rebecca said...

would like to follow your posts, can you put that widget on your blog somewhere? thanks for the laugh!

6:33 AM  

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