Friday, May 21, 2010

That Time of the Month

When I started this thing I promised myself at least one post a month and I've been pretty faithful, defying my natural state, thus far.

Ain't going to stray now, but I see that the last time I was here was April and here it is June coming up soon so I'd better give May its due beyond the first being opening day on beneath the stars copulation.

Not a good idea in the current climate because May is meteorologically behaving like a lot of first dates. Starts off pleasant enough, chatty and accomodating and a weekend or two rolls around where the temperature ascends, the sun shines and the last of winter shakes off your back. You get to feeling comfortable, layers of clothing come off and then the high for the day is forty five, you're under a blanket watching TV wondering where all that friendliness went off to. It's like the month tugged at the raised seam of her skirt, pulled it down to her ankles, straightened her pantyhose and stapled her hem to her shoes.

Tonight was a pleasant Friday evening though with enough warmth and longevity of day to mix up a four-barrel Martini, fire up a faux Cuban and wash the car. Couple of sips of the Martini, unreel the hose, back the car up, run over the hose flattening the nozzle such that from hence onwards any water pressure will shoot out the end in a display putting the Bellaggio to shame. I can hear former girlfriends lecturing me on the dangers of liquor and automotive hygiene mixing and all I can say is "yes, but in the morning I'll be sober and you'll still be ugly."

Nonetheless, you lay off the Martini until the car is washed and put into the garage and just to be certain, let's strap a few mattresses to her before we put her away just in case you hit the accelerator 'stead of the brake and imprint "Craftsman 2 1/2 hp direct drive 5/8" arbor" into the front end of the automotive thing you haven't actually paid for yet.

I play with wood from time to time, which is to say I build furniture for fun. Tried to build it for real once and realized that if I set my opportunity cost to -$1,000 per hour I could make money.

At any rate, last weekend I was planing some oak when the planer and the board collaborated to send a 7 inch splinter my way, impaling my hand. Ouch.

What can I say? I removed aforementioned splinter and sauntered into the kitchen to see Thumper (a retired EMT).

"Hi Honey, am I going to the emergency room?"

I didn't, everything's ok but my stigmata's acting up again. In the words of our Lord;

"Yeah, so it's Friday, I'm hanging around with a bunch of Latins and the darndest thing happens..."

Happy May. See you next month.

Bunny on.

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