Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Can I Get Mine With Extra Synergy?

Last year when I was working at MSP (medium sized publisher) or Mediocre Sports Publisher, take your pick, I expressed a degree of dissatisfaction with my position. In that for all the corporate clowning that was going on, I might as well pack it up, put on a suit and tie and do the real thing in corporate America.

And off I was whisked, Incredible Mr. Limpettesquely to the RBC (really big corporation) getting exactly what I had inadvertently wished for.

Gosh, I'd just as soon go dancing with Natalie Portman.


Nope. Still here in the cubicle by the window with all the empty cubicles around, not a one of which hold anyone human, much less Natalie Portman or even Scarlett Johannsen having a bad hair day.

So how are things at the RBC? Not that bad, all things considered but there are a few quirks around the place. For one thing, its a campus and a damn big one. Its fenced in so there are days I feel like one of the exhibits at the Wild Corporate Safari Drive Thru Theme Park. Sort of like snapping the antenna of the Lexus full of kids or peeing on the minivan's windshield as they pass by pointing, oohing and aaahing.

Then there are the information screens. These broadcast a loop of executives talking about the business, the product and whatever else they are told to talk about. Some hold up the new company theme on a flashcard-like sheet of paper. With the volume down though, these loops sort of look like kidnap victims quietly pleading for the ransom money and holding up cards of testimonials to the glorious cause of the Fourteenth of October People's Liberating Brigades of Bayonne. Like the food in the cafeteria hasn't been the same since they dropped lemon meringue pies for dessert so if you're not too busy could you send the SWAT team in?

Some housekeeping changes are being affected in one of the other offices. The entire hallway is being re-wallpapered with a lighter beige that contrasts to the darker beige carpet and to the off white ceiling panels. I can only guess a lot of white employees were disappearing into the background and getting run into.

If only Natalie Portman worked there...

Bunny on.


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