Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Everybody Talks About It

Work with me on this one but, the last time I checked, this was still Earth, right?

I mean, we orbit the SUN???!!!

Somewhere around last Wednesday somebody apparently found a plank long enough and a firm place to stand and hurled the Earth out of orbit of that bright warm thing that was cooking our planet to a crisp, but who cared? Think of the money we were saving on heat.

We are now drifting through a galaxy of rain. Inches upon gallons upon feet of the stuff continue to cascade down although no one in Portland Oregon has yet noticed, but I have. Couple of weeks ago we had a hot spike where the temperature got up into the eighties and it was sunny and it all happened on a weekend. I knew those ritual lamb slaughters I've been holding through the winter would pay off eventually. It was wonderful and the sheer ecstasy was only punctuated with the dire warnings of cold weather freaks that the icecaps were melting, the sea level was rising and polar bear's habitat was eroding.

Well they got their wish. It is cold. It is grey to the extent that we no longer have sunrise, we have "light grey" as opposed to "charcoal grey" of what used to be called night or "dark grey" of what used to be called "afternoon." The ice caps are in fine shape, the beachfront property I bought in Ohio is worthless and I hope the polar bears found a land bridge to the cold weather freaks backyard and have eaten one of their children.

To be fair, we did have a few precipitation-free hours this afternoon wherein all the men in the neighborhood jumped on or behind their lawn mowers to tame the beast that they used to play croquet on. Not I, I cut the thing last Friday night before the weekend torrent which means that there is now fescue knocking on the back door asking to borrow a cup of nitrogen.

I have two issues with all this rain. Well, three to be precise. The first is that I'd like to be reminded of that warm yellow ball in the sky before my coloration fades to the point of me being able to use my legs as landing beacons for wide body jets. The second is that we seem to have developed a case of carpenter ants at Paramour. Now carpenter ants, I am told, are attracted to moisture which at this point narrows their likely infestation down to the state. Finally, we do have a bit of a leaky basement and a cat that lives down there. I'm tired of waking up at two a.m. to her cries of "Mark Twain!"

Bunny on, and keep dry.


Blogger Jeni said...

Hmmm. Sounds to me like you may have accidentally moved to Pennsylvania. Your weather description sounds, point for point, like what we've been experiencing here. Fortunately, neither of our cats live in the basement so at least I don't have to listen to them calling "Mark Twain" in the middle of the night. Love your sense of humor.

9:18 PM  
Blogger cog said...

it's because I fixed my car.

11:59 AM  

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