Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Even I Don't Get Me

So here's how much I want to write this blog post, fingers poised above keys, I glance at the file folder I keep bills in and whoops, seems Amex wanted a little coin two days ago. Fortunately there's one thing I'd rather do less than post. That's pay.

I will of course. Amex is a fine firm that extended me my first credit when I was a dumb college graduate earning a handful of nuts and berries every two weeks in one of the most expensive places on earth. I remember my first dinner out, I took my then girlfriend out for Chinese and almost passed out from anxiety when the bill came. I put my card down and waited for the waiter to return, toss my card at me and say "They were just kidding. This is no good. You owe us $23.50"

It never happened. He came back with the receipt. I signed, tore off the carbons (remember?), left the tip in cash and completed my first transaction. The girlfriend was duly impressed. I married her eventually.

Several years later she came back to the table, tossed our marriage license at me and said "I was just kidding. This is no good. You owe me $23,500. Oh, and give me your Amex."

I got rejected from a blogger's club, society, whatever, recently. It kind of upset me. I thought I'd fit right in, in fact eventually rise to be one of their leading members. Instead they less than politely rejected me and I took it maturely, spamming their member's sites with porn links.

No. Not really. Guys, I'm middle-aged. I've no idea how to do that shit.

I originally thought that they read the Bunny, didn't find it funny and then rejected me. After I dried the tears and sobered up, I reckoned that they probably looked at the number of eyeballs that the Bunny attracts and realized this was the blog version of Pluto. Yeah, it hangs around and is technically one of us in this solar system. But getting there means blasting the shit out of something, hanging in space for a couple of lifetimes and really just landing on another dead chunk of rock. Verdict: No planet. No Bunny in club, society, cult of satan worshipping concubines, whatever.

I naturally complained to Thumper who assured me that it wasn't them, it was me. Three days later when I crawled out of the bathroom and deigned to remove the towel from my head she went on to explain that she meant it in a good way...

What she actually said was that I color outside the lines, think outside the box, don't blend into a crowd and so forth. In other words, there's a distinct quality of weird in my work, way the hell out of the mainstream that is funny and unique in its own way but you need to work at it to get it.

Very much like MM said of me months ago. Not a first, second or perhaps even third time but eventually. He drove a few folks over. They read, read some more, didn't see any marvelous cliffhangers nor thumbs being stuffed up doggie butts and moved on.

That's ok.

There are no doggie butts, no cliffhangers, no moms on martinis here. Just me and some beer-goggling views of the world here. You either get it, or you don't, or you sometimes get it. It doesn't matter. Its neither high art nor prattle. It just is and it is for you. Hell, I sometimes don't get myself. I've no idea why Manhattanites thinking the smell of maple syrup wafting across their island invokes conspiracy theories strikes me as incredibly funny. Nor do I know why someone who taught their dog to smile by baring its incisors, scaring the crap out of a sixteen-year old me is incredibly sad.

It just is. It is the aggregate total of that that is the Caustic Bunny. There's more to come of course and I appreciate your being here. I've a couple of fellows I need to tell you about. We all ran together once and they called us the Knitting Circle. There's more about the old man and there's more about my daily misadventures.

But for just this moment, thanks for reading. Sorry if you didn't get it, glad if you did. Best wishes to you both.

Bunny on.


Blogger Jeni said...

Well, your post drew me out of my normal lurking status. True, now and then, I don't follow your drift but that's okay because I know, the way I tend to ramble when I write, lots of folks most likely don't see the correlation of one aspect to another in my posts. Since MM is the person who steered me to your blog and since I have you on my reader, I do read every post you put up. But, as to commenting, I'm not always up to that part of blogging. Not a very good blogger in that respect I guess but that too is just me, the way I operate. Whether I follow your drift on each and every post is immaterial, as is the idea that we all always have to have a comment to leave behind too. Sometimes, it is because I agree so totally with what the writer has to say that I can't add more, other times, I do agree that much and it just happens to trip a trigger and I leave my commenter's trail behind me then. But really, I just wanted to let you know that at least one of your two readers (probably a lot more than that, really) was here and understood your words today.

11:37 AM  
Blogger cog said...

CB, it is with great perplexity that I ponder your place, and mine, in the 'sphere. Perhaps it is in the unpredictability of the content, either in interval or subject matter. I dunno.

I rec you whenever I can, and I read with a bit of "I knew it before it was cool" attitude when MM wrote his glowing praise and fully expected you to take off, as it were, then was disappointed when you didn't.

For what it's worth, though, I get you, and would gladly start a cog and bunny show, but I don't know who else would want to be in it.

1:55 PM  
Blogger Ericka said...

you got booted out of a blogging club? dude, that's AWESOME! i didn't even know they HAD blogging clubs. what, they all hang out in one anothers' basements and tweet at each other? bwahahahaha.

right. sorry that you didn't get something you wanted. that always sucks.

i get you. sometimes. occasionally. once in a while. really. :-D

it's okay, no one understands me either. *snort* word verification = "guessini"

10:38 PM  
Blogger Kathryn said...

like Erika, didn't know they had blogger clubs or whatever - sucks to be rejected in any event

5:19 PM  
Blogger Sis said...

My condolences. I say keep doing what you do best and Bunny on, no matter who gets you.

7:39 PM  

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