Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Its Swell

An update on the hazardous toy recall, the list has expanded from the original Chinese-made toys like Falun Gong Barbie and Jailed Dissident Ken to include a number of other playthings that are deemed dangerous.

Here is a brief list:

-Barbie and her dog Tanner: Tanner continues to fall into leather processing vats to provide new shoe material for Barbie. There are issues of toxicity with the hides.

-Magna Batman: Small but powerful magnets in the dolls attach quickly to metal objects like cars pulling out with fathers on their way to work. Bobby Ransome of Marietta, Ga. caught an involuntary ride on the bumper of the family minivan down I-76 just last week.

-Polly Pockets: Kleptomaniac doll thought to be a poor role model.

-Sarge Cars: Sarge cars were recalled to active duty and are posted in the Falujah motor pool. Look for Too Many Tours of Duty cars in stores this Christmas.

-One Piece: Toy is just one piece. Boring! What do you do with one piece? You can't cut it, there are no moving parts, its just one piece. Shoot, if this is supposed to be a fun toy, how about I just go play in the dirt with a rock? One piece. Gimme a break!

-Doggie Day Care: This toy does not have a doggie day care license and is operating in an illegal manner. Doggie DCYF, Doggie IRS and Doggie State Police will be raiding Doggie Day Care shortly.

Other toys such as Sweatshop Susie, Sergeant Shellshock, bag o' glass, and Pocketfull of Roaches are still under review. Large Plastic Thing that Makes Noise and Squirts Red Dye was requested to be pulled from the market by the 4th Street dog tired parent's council but, aside from being a pain in the ass, was found to have no defects or dangers.

Books are in no danger of recall but few children actually know what to do with one of these strange but dull objects.

Bunny on.

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