Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Its Not Flirting Unless Somebody's Nearby

She:  "I had to call and tell you!"
He:  "Rex has found his true calling as a Sherpa and you're willing to forget we were ever just colleagues and devote your life to our unfulfilled mutual lust?"
She:  "Close.  Its Robert and we're really doing fine.  Who'd have thought that after a nasty divorce I'd meet someone again and have it work?"
He:  "Well, I for one.  Not that I thought.  Rather I was placing bets and burning certain herbs while chanting."
She:  "Cut it out.  You're making me forget why I called you in the first place.  I got a new job!"
He:  "Hey, that's wonderful!  Seriously!  Congratulations!  Where?"
She:  "A fabric importer.  Its great!  I'm putting together the yearly buys based on what I understand from the buying trends.  Isn't that something?  I mean, fabric was a hobby, I used to read all the trade magazines, now I'm doing what I love for a living!"
He:  "I think its awful.  I think you should quit right away and come back to us.  Nothing says "fulfillment" like medical device sales and rentals."
She:  "Cut it out!  You know I hated that job.  I just did it because Steve was never consistently employed and he'd chew through our savings in a month."
He:  "But you did share an office with me.  And think of all the grand times we had together.  Selling portable oxygen tanks to the truly deserving."
She:  "I think your offering the last lady patient a light was a mistake."
He:  "She was in our way at the Cracker Barrel and I hadn't eaten since we left Des Moines."
She:  "Still.  Open flame and oxygen?"
He:  "It was the holidays.  She blended right in."
She:  "So what's new at your office?"
He:  "You mean besides Inga:  Swedish Queen of Pain taking up your old cube?"
She:  "Besides that."
He:  "Same old, same old."
She:  "Which means she hasn't given you her number."
He:  "Among other things, yes."
She:  "You know I met Robert at a..."
He:  "I know, I know, a post-natal depression workshop and you were inspired by his ability to cry rivers on demand."
She:  "A post-divorce support group."
He:  "I only know of one post-divorce support group and I'm not joining.  They're called AA and I don't have time for all those fucking meetings."
She:  "You haven't changed."
He:  "But I'm glad for you.  Go forward, enjoy your new career.  I'll be here spreading rumors that there is life beyond the horizon.  Seriously, I'm happy for you.  I hope you're happy."
She:  "Thanks.  That's nice of you.  I still miss working with you."
He:  "So do I.  But, like you said, this was a paycheck.  Now you've got a future."
She:  "Thanks."
He:  "Of course, when Rex's conviction on doggie pornography comes through, you know who's shoulder you can cry on."


Blogger izchan said...

Thank you for making me laugh.
Your really good at this.

4:56 AM  

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