Friday, July 29, 2005

Who Is The Masked Rabbit?

Today, we're fortunate enough to have as our guest, the secret writer who has haunted the blogosphere with some of the more inane postings as of late. A relative newcomer to the blog world, he has made a name for himself with his hit and run humor, unapologetic flashbacks to a mis-spent youth and in a rare moment of revelation, eulogised a cat who once piddled in his slippers as fitting revenge for being locked in the bedroom during a cocktail party.

Of course, I can only be speaking of the Caustic Bunny. While his real identity is hidden behind this large hutch and his voice has been altered to sound sort of like your Uncle Murray's from Bayonne, I can assure you it is indeed, the one and only Bunnyman. We have a lot of questions.

Bunnyman.

Yes.

Comfortable?

Very much. Thank you.

Good. Let's start. Perhaps the most pressing question on everyone's mind is...

Yes?

Who is Magazine Man?

What? I'm leaving.

No. Sorry, don't go. All right. Who are you?

Well, I can't actually tell you that other than to say that I try to be a force for good. But it's damn hard. Especially being small and feral the way I am. Oh, and everybody wants to pick you up because you're "cute and fuzzy." That gets old fast, believe me.

I see. So you remain a mystery. How is it you know Magazine Man?

Uh, I thought I was being interviewed?

Of course. What is the challenge of being the Caustic Bunny?

Well...

Besides lurking in the shadow of Magazine Man?

If I could see over this carrot, I'd find the door and leave. Curse you evil interviewer!

Fine then. Let's get back to you. What are your challenges?

Well, fine. As I said, for starters, I'm a rabbit. That closes a lot of doors to begin with but the physical limitations of being small, furry and having a hyperactive nose really seals the deal some times. You tend to get taken a lot less seriously. Even if everyone in the room has watched the rabbit scenes from "The Holy Grail" there's still that natural reaction to pet with impunity.

Do you have any special powers? Secret attributes?

I can be humorless on command.

Anything else?

There's the secret rabbit cave at the outskirts of town. There's the bunnymobile, I speed into the center of the decaying city to fight the criminals that do not fear the law but who cringe at the ominous sight of...

Of?

Well, of a giant bat emerging from the shadows. But as I say, I'm a bunny. That has a lot less initial impact. I lull them into false cuddliness then I...

Yes?

Well, I usually call the cops on them.

I see.

Oh, I do try and spread mirth. Doesn't slow the muggings down, but what the hell, everyone feels better.

There are of course crime fighters more effective than you.

There are. I'll be the first to admit that.

The Anagrammer for instance.

Yeah he's pretty good. Did you read the papers this morning? Apparently he got into some underworld gang and turned the kingpin, I forget his name, but he came out "Hot Florid Fleshpot." How about that?

Have you ever seen the Anagrammer and Magazine Man in the same room together?

I'm afraid I can't comment on that. Now I'm really done. This interview is over and if you continue I'll leave a stream of pellets on the studio floor.

Bunnyman, thank you.

Think nothing of it.

5 Comments:

Blogger Magazine Man said...

Cursed interviewer: Believe me, if I knew who I was, I would tell you...

8:01 PM  
Anonymous constant weeder said...

I disavow any knowledge of either of you!

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4:57 PM  

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