Today's Swipe at the News

U.S. lifts Canada mad cow ban
Thursday, July 14, 2005
SAN FRANCISCO, California (AP) -- A federal appeals court has overturned the ban Canada has had on mad cows. In a 7-2 decision, the court ruled the ban constitutional but unnecessary due to the Canadianness of the plaintiff. "We felt they were being overly cautious." said a spokesperson for the court. "I mean, just because bovine spongiform encephalitis is a worldwide malady caused by poor farming conditions and the introduction of tainted fodder into what ultimately becomes the human food chain is no reason to go off the deep end."
Canada protested the decision but, having recently mortgaged the national spine to the Nunavit territory, has agreed to abide by the court's ruling.
"Anyway, some of the afflictions of BSE are quite humorous in humans." the court continued, "Especially Canadians. Think of a room full of really shitty break dancers all wearing touques and mukluks. You try and keep your pants dry over that one."